Seriously....

Second Chances

2011-05-17T04:35:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be a second thought.
I want to be your only thought.
I don't want to be convenient.
I want to be important.
I don't want to be on a list of many.
I want to be the first of none.
Second chances come and go.
Make me your only chance.

Open Sesame

2010-09-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

doors have been closed
doors have been slammed
with no window to open
until today
I stand outside looking in
not ready to enter
cautious of what I will find
I hear words my ears want to hear
I need actions my heart can feel

April Rain

2010-07-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Never again will I think of rain the same way.
That cold bitter rain fell without a care for my comfort,
but I felt only the warmth of who you are.
Your passion lit the grayness of that day.
Your light fell on my soul.
Your passion has turned to disappointment.
Even in this, you burn from within.
Still you light the gloom within me.
Do not punish me for my truth.
I want the rain drops to fall once more.

Meet Me in My Dreams

2010-05-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

Why must I dream of you
Night after night
Why must you hold
a place in my thoughts
You were in my life
but for a moment
Your touch, a whisper
Your kiss, a breeze
Yet, I am captive
to your memory

Wind and Rainbows

2010-04-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

No more chasing rainbows.
No more chasing the wind.
Let the rains come
drown the fire within.
The flames tease and taunt
and engulf my heart.
I will no longer
fall into your charm.
You tempt and flatter.
Let the truth shine.
bring peace and security
to my tormented mind
bring comfort and joy
to my exposed heart.
I must walk away.
never reach out to the lies
for you fade like the colors
of the rainbow.
I must turn my back to you.
never reach out to the lies
for you are like the wind
soon gone.

Within Yet Without

2010-04-06T04:17:00.000-07:00

tranquility
approval
all within a glance
passion
desire
all within a kiss
affection
trust
all within a touch
yet here I am
without

Drowning in You

2010-03-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

I swam against the current
and the crashing waves
I struggled to hold
onto who I am
to who I was
to who I am supposed
to be
Your undertow pulled
me in
You let me drown
without a sound

no cake for you

2010-02-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

You had me going
I almost thought you were true
I wished
I hoped
I almost caved
though I wasn't there
You did not want me there
Birkenstocks was there
Let the Birekenstocks control you
change you
turn you into something you're not
a mindless shell
Yes, a zombie cake

Sushi, Books, and Bones

2010-02-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

Pleaseant surprise
Warmth
when you look at me
You see me
Laughs and smiles
I feel you
So familiar
Such ease
in the touch of your hand
Calm
Comfort
in your presence

Doors

2009-12-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

They say when one door closes another one will open....

but what if two are half way open at the same time?

I have the opportunity to be happy and safe through one door, yet the other door is very enticing indeed. The other door will allow me to have freedom and flexibility. It will elevate my life in a way I never thought possible. There is love through that door. But, I have longed to go through the first door. I have love for that door. I have love for the other door as well. I turn in circles wondering which one I should slam shut.

Maybe if I venture through door number 2 and I don't shut door number 1 and things don't work....

That just wouldn't be fair.

So, I continue to turn in circles.

In your web

2009-11-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have to find the courage
I fear I will be rejected
Everything you do is effected by how I feel
Right or wrong or indifferent
I interpret it all by how I feel
I was drawn in
to your charm and humor
I was drawn in
by your ease with life
I wanted to be in your center
But I was kept neatly on the outer fringe
till you needed another piece of my heart
Clueless about the power you possess
Your affection
is a like drug I can not give up
All because of how I feel
I am trapped

Forever Connected

2009-10-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

I wonder
if you think of me
some nights
as I think of you
some nights
At that moment
when we do
we are connected
without ever
knowing

Hands of Time

2009-10-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

I do not want to bide my time
I do not want to hurt now
I do not want to hurt later
I know what I want
even if it is not sensible
to any one but me
Time stands stills
Time moves on
Time transcends
You are here
I am there
We are

Pressed to the Wall

2009-10-13T04:07:00.000-07:00

Thoughts racing
Heart pounding
Breathless
Expecting nothing
Wanting everything
His touch
His kiss
Nothing to lose
Sheer abandon
All to give

Dare to Compare

2009-10-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of you
I dare to compare
But no one can
You’re helplessly flawed
Doesn't matter
What I know rings true
I like me
When I am with you

Jelly Beans and Cake

2009-10-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nerves running amuck
A smile
A hug
A kiss on the cheek
Laughter
The nearness of him
Deep soothing calm
Gentle tugs
Lingering kisses
Many sighs
Complete release

Certain

2009-09-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

Time and distance have been good for me.
It doesn't matter who I am with or what I do.
I can not forget how I felt.
Why am I willing to overlook the flaws?
Why am I willing to patiently wait?
Life is so uncertain, but I am certain in what I feel.
I can not forget why I felt.

Someday

2009-09-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

my heart aches
longing
wanting to flow over
with just those few words
words that change everything
someday

Why you still matter...

2009-09-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

There is pleasure and beauty in your world.
I bring structure; you bring the flourishes.
You stay above the fray and bring me out of myself.

The Strong Life Test for Women

2009-09-18T03:43:00.001-07:00

The Strong Life Test for Women

2009-09-18T03:33:00.001-07:00

My Lead Role: Creator

You begin by asking: ''What do I understand?''
You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding.
Your best quality:Your ability to find patterns invisible to others
Always: Find time to be by yourself
Be careful you: think so long, you never do anything
Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to produce new content.

Supporting Role: Motivator

You begin by asking: ''How can I raise the energy?''
You are acutely aware of the energy in the room, and you feel compelled to do what you can to elevate it. You do this with your outlook—you are an instinctively optimistic person.
Your best quality: Your infectious energy
Always: Step in and take responsibility for the group
Be careful you: Don’t get sucked dry by emotional vampires
Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to keep a group of people excited.

Imperfection

2009-09-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

You shun me
You push me away
I hold fast
Possibilities
Imperfectly perfect
I see you
Day to day
Smile at the mundane
Missing you

It's maddening....

2009-08-24T07:07:00.001-07:00

I say I do not care.
I say I understand.
I say it.
I do not hear it.
I do not feel it.
So is it a lie?
I do care.
I do not understand.
I still hurt.

If

2009-08-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

I stare into the darkness
My thoughts get lost
Being alone shakes my soul
Thoughts of what if
What if
My heart comes to know
Thoughts of you
Shattered by reality
I can not let go

Stages

2009-08-14T14:54:00.001-07:00

Disappointment
leads to
Hurt
leads to
Frustration
leads to
Anxiety
leads to
Being upset
leads to
Confusion.

so, I ran into him again...

2009-08-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

While waiting in line at SkyBar, he came through with his membership pass (haha, of course, he'd have a membership...everything is about "show" with this guy). I was telling my girlfriend how I knew him and remembered I had blogged about it elsewhere. Oh, and by the way, there was still no recognition...and, yes, that was still a good thing!

A few years ago I was on another site and was asked out by this particular man. He was quite attractive, according to his picture. Well, when we met...hmmm...well, let's see his picture was probably 10 years old and definitely 50 pounds lighter. But, there I was...stuck. So, we were at this Mexican restaurant for drinks and possibly dinner...after the initial meeting there would be no possibly about it. We talked about this and that and as we talked he was CRUNCHING! on the tortilla chips with crumbs falling all over himself...gawd, it was ugly... He was nice enough so I thought okay I am not taking this further to dinner, but maybe another date...giving him the benefit of the doubt. Later that week I went to brunch with him. Not any better, I tell ya. But it was obvious he was quite taken with me. He asked me out again. I declined. EVERYTHING he did and said was absolutely annoying.

Fast forward....my daughter received a post card in the mail to "model" for a particular photography studio in town. This would be for advertising their senior pictures. It was his studio! I told her about the situation, but she still wanted to pursue this, so I gave her the go ahead. They accepted her and wanted a meeting with her as well as myself. I was hoping he would not recognize me. Cee said he really shouldn't because it's been so long and I have changed....hair....weight...style. Plus, it would not have been just us. There were going to be a few other upcoming Seniors and their parents there.

As we all waited for the meeting to begin he came traipsing through the lobby and greeted us eyeballing me dead on. I thought oh no, here we go. There was that look of "I think I know you, but not sure" from him. Then we took a tour of the studios and the grounds because he is known for his outdoor props...he even has a pile of sand that can turn into the beach and ocean with a click of a mouse. All the while I am trying not to make eye contact him but also hoping he wouldn't think I was rude and not interested in what he had to say. I mean...I do know all about his studio, not so much from the couple of bad dates with him, but because my oldest daughter had her Senior pictures taken there about 2 years before the dating incident. Then he asked this, "Has anyone ever been here before and had pictures done there?" Dummy me, rose my hand....He looked at me and asked, "You?" I told him it was my daughter and he asked how long ago it was. I told him almost 6 years ago. The he says this, "Maybe that's why you look familiar." I thought Cee was going to fall out laughing. She tried so hard not to let on and just bust out laughing.

We wrapped up the meeting and Cee made arrangements for her session while he stood there and asked me all kinds of questions, still not realizing where he really knew me from.
As we left....he picked up a chip...guess how he ate it...yeap...CRUNCHING!!!!!! with crumbs falling all over the place. Even Cee notice how bad it was.

*PHEW*

Flashes

2009-08-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

a flash fills the sky
intense heat breaks open the darkness
light falls revealing the world to me
intense longing; piercing touch
behind the walls of who you are
do not fall
a flash of life fills my heart
intense wonder; sheer pleasure
encroach on the walls of who I am
I will not fall.

Dreaming of calm and peace...It's what I feel whenever you are near.

2009-08-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

I stood along the dock wondering at the enormity of my voyage ahead. I longed to lose myself in another world, in another time and place. But I had never known anything other than my smallness. You sensed my trepidation. You came to stand beside me. In your presence, I suddenly felt a calm wash over me. No words were spoken as you looked at me. You offered your hand. I saw in your eyes a peace and understanding of where my adventure would lead. I took your hand as you lead me aboard this vast vessel. I did not see you again for some time after I boarded the ship. I thought of my handsome new friend as I wandered the deck wondering had you really been there. Or had I imagined you and had gathered my strength from some where else, from some where mystical and magical. I would need that inner strength for on one particular night the seas were not accommodating. They were particularly rough. Many were sick. I went to the bow to dare feel the spray lash against the ship. I was not afraid. I felt your presence around me. Suddenly, I lost my footing and thought for sure I would fall into the abyss. And just as suddenly, I felt your arms around me telling me "You are my lady of the sea. I will keep you safe from harm."

What is it that you choose to show?

2009-08-03T19:41:00.000-07:00

I took one of those mindless quizzes on a social networking website. And it was about what would your life quote be. Mine said this, “Don’t be so quick to judge me. You only see what I choose to show.” And it’s got me thinking that this quote would fit most people depending on what situation they were in.

Take for instance me. I have been seeing someone for a little while, yet there has been some interest by another. And, since the first was undefined, as in exclusivity, I decided to go out with the other just to see where my interest was in all of this.

It was very clear to me.

My interest was very much with the first. I behaved very badly with the other. I didn’t say any of the right things. All I was doing was comparing the two of them in my mind. It wasn’t even a contest. The first won hands down.

But, then I was thinking about if I was doing this with the other, what had the first done with me initially?

Was he on his p’s and q’s to win me over? Was he saying and doing all the right things to reel me in? Well, it worked. The song and dance was flawless. The dog and pony show was impeccable. I don’t believe it was an act.

And, yet there is that proverbial bait and switch…..

I have since discovered his life is a mess. But, it’s not a mess I can’t handle. It’s not a mess where I can’t be there. I would do anything to take that mess away, but I can’t. All I can do is be there for him, but he isn’t allowing me. He has shut me out.

So much for shmoopy.

He has no idea how much his shutting me out hurts. Shutting me out hurts more than being in the middle of his mess.

So, I have to wonder, is his shutting me out an act? Is he choosing to show me this just to push me away?

2009-08-03T04:33:00.000-07:00

It seems to take a lot to keep my attention.

I have come to realize that I put too much on the other person to keep my attention. I am a simple person, certainly not high maintenance, yet I have found that my attention wanders. And I have to ask myself why. Is it him or is it me or the combination of the two? There has to be lack when attention is not held. Or is it a lack mentality that creates the void.

He came into my life very unsuspecting and not in the greatest of circumstances. If it were any other time...maybe any other man…I would not have given him much thought. But he slipped in under the radar quickly getting my attention. More importantly, he quickly held my attention. There is a calm and ease about him. Maybe that is why it is easy to be with him. He is uncomplicated, even if his life is complicated, because he is open, honest and genuine. He is sincere.

Maybe it's the reciprocation of honest feelings that hold my attention.

Whatever it is, my attention is fixed, but I won't make it his responsibility to hold it.

Timing and Instinct

2009-08-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

how they go hand in hand
gentleness cradled in strength
light in a smile
windows to a calming soul
thoughts in balance
yet thoughts of hope
yielding to hesitation
don't hesitate
don't think
feel what the heart feels
want what the heart wants
let go
it's there
let go

Knowing

2009-08-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

you know who I am
you feel the doubt
yet stay away
till confusion sets in
and then like a breeze
you refresh me
once again

Is it better to be seen...or to be invisible....

2009-01-25T18:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just want to fade into the wood work and just not be seen...

I saw a young lady at church today that needed to be seen. She is such a sweet soul. She was in a terrible accident and suffered a stroke. She has made wonderful strides in her recovery and is a testimony to what God can do when one holds firm to faith. But, she does struggle.

She was fighting to get her coat around the back of her chair. It was obvious she wasn't going to win this one. There were people very near her...near enough that they could see she needed help, yet it was as though she was invisible.

I walked passed the five rows of people in front of me to assist her.

I saw her. She was not invisible to me. She was a blessing.

Is it OCD...or just some bizarre ritual?

2009-01-24T16:42:00.000-08:00

I was at the rec center the other day. I like to get on a particular elliptical cross trainer that is just outside the weight room, actually there are 2 there, and it doesn't matter which one...either one is fine. I like the vantage point. I like to watch the comings and goings of the people there. The other cross trainers available over look the gym and many times the gym is empty when I go. I just don't like looking at empty walls. So, as I was jamming to the current music on Z104 and "running" my tush off I noticed this particular man who kept coming out into the hall to get a drink from the water fountain....

This was his routine.....

He came out of the weight room almost speed walking
swing wide around the corner (maybe to not run into anyone who might be coming back in?)
head to the fountain on the left (there are 2 side by side)
take a deliberate stance in front of the fountain, with feet about shoulder width apart...seriouse...on purpose...he would look at his feet as he did this and move them ever so slightly as if there were some mark on the floor that he HAD to hit
he would then place his left arm behind his back
then he would finally get that drink of water!
oh...wait one more thing...he would swing wide once more heading back into the weight room and speed walk to where he was before

Now mind you, I am on the cross trainer for about 30 minutes when I am there. He did this every 2 to 3 minutes while I was there. Then, add this other little quirk....he wore a weight belt (one of those wide belts that support the back as you weight lift....usually worn when you are working your back area to support it...guess they forgot to tell him when he is working his biceps you really don't need that...). Okay...so you say...not so quirky, right? Well, it is when you take it off each time you go get a drink and then have to put it back on when you go back to working out!!!! Everytime!!!!???? No lie...he would take it off, speed walk, do his little stance thing, get his drink of water, speed walk back, put the belt back on, then in a couple of minutes do it all over again.

He was making me tired watching him.

Then I got to thinking, what makes any of us do "rituals"? What makes us create our habits? What makes us NOT deviate from the way we do things?

Maybe we each have a little OCD in us afterall.

Does anyone really care anymore?

2008-11-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

I was taking my son back to his father's one Sunday. It was about 6, maybe even 7 o'clock, in the evening, so it was dark when we got into the car. When I turn my car on the headlights come on...but they don't stay on. I pulled out of the driveway and proceeded on our way. My son and I talked incessantly the whole way...well, not quite the whole way. Well, let's just say our talk was interrupted with me shouting, "Oh my gosh, my lights aren't on!!!!" I am not sure if anyone reading this will know the area accept my daughter Kristine, but I noticed this as I was pulling onto Virginia Beach Boulevard. Now mind you, I had probably already driven 10 miles in this state of darkness completely unaware. I had passed numerous cars along the way. I also was facing numerous cars along the way. I probably had stopped at 5 major intersections along the way. Yet, NO ONE was kind enough to tell me my lights were not on!!!! Well, there was this one person, but he doesn't really count because it was after I, myself, discovered it. But, the wonderful blue and red flashing lights in my rear view mirror was a clue as to who this was going to be. I pulled off onto a side street, pulled out my license, and was trying to find my registration....it's amazing how nervous one can get in these situations. And all the while, my son is saying, "This is cool, Mom!" Cool? Really?! I would have traded places with him if I could. Well, as I put my window down the usual question in-sueded, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Sometimes I would love to just be as sarcastic as my lil voice is inside my head. I proceeded to tell him that I did and why. He then, of course, asks if I had been drinking...absolutely not, but I did tell him why he would think that. He looked at me funny. I proceeded to tell him I had briefly dated a state trooper and was given caution about doing so...if I did go out and drink. (Make sure your lights are on....in a well lit parking lot, you may forget to do so.) He laughed, handed me back my license, and said to have a nice evening. Again, the peanut gallery is chirping, "That was cool, Mom!" Ugh. But, this brings me back to my question in the subject. Does anyone really care anymore about our neighbors?

In the grand scheme...

2008-10-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have had this urge to write today. I don't know about what...or to whom. There are many things I could spend my time writing about...and many more people to whom it could be about.

But, I just spent a few minutes watching a video. A bittersweet video about a baby...to a baby...a lil baby boy who only lived 99 days. But, in those precious days you could see how much love there was for him. For 99 days, his parents loved and nurtured him. For each of those 99 days, they celebrated his birthday with cake, pictures, candles, party hats, and even friends stopped by.

Love like that is so precious and every day needs to be a celebration. If we all loved liked that...as if that day were the last with that person...as if nothing else mattered but the care of and for that other person...what a wonderful world this would be.

Is it too much to ask? Is that so far from reality?

Would you be able to give so much of yourself to another and expect NOTHING in return? Could you do it, knowing they can give NOTHING back?...but...pretend they can't. Ask yourself, if this person could do nothing else for you, would you be able to love them so unconditionally?

We might be able to do it for a time...but for how long? How long before you slip into the "what's in it for me?" mentality?

I dare you to try to love unconditionally....truly without thought of reciprocity.

They say....

2008-10-16T05:15:00.000-07:00

you shouldn't really look back...to your past...things of old...regrets you've made, but sometimes the past has a way of becoming your present...and maybe your future.

It's been 2 years since it started, more or less. But, maybe only about a year since it ended so abruptly.

Friendship....how do you define a friendship?

I used this term with only one friend; "cher ami". Because he was such a dear friend. I cherished our talks...he talked me off the proverbial ledge on more than one occasion. I bent his ear to the point I believe its been permanently disfigured. Hopefully, time has managed to put it to rights.

Every now and again he has popped up and we've had a short cursory conversation. You know those "polite" conversations that scratch the surface of what was.

Until recently...

What he said has been reverberating in my soul for a few days now...

Oh, let me say this before I go further. When I was writing before, there were many posts that were inspired by our talks. And, I believe, his opened that door once again.

I thought surely our conversation was going to go the way our other conversations have gone. Nowhere. Just a few polite words...a few jabs...because that is how we do. But, it took a turn that I did NOT see coming.

The words that keep poking at my heart are "because I care for you"....there is a clear difference when someone says that versus "I care about you". When used with "for", the phrase indicates a relation of cause or purpose. When used with "about", the phrase indicates a concerning. So, there is a clear purpose of his care for me in how he used the phrase. Plus, he used the phrase in the present tense! And with him, he is very careful with his words. He takes nothing he says lightly. That one word change is just gnawing at my logical mind...there is nothing logical about this because of what I have been through with him.

I did not realize I had hurt him. That saddens me. At one point, I was so angry with him that I publicly belittled him for being scorned. I did apologize to him, as well as publicly, for my actions. But, I did not realize that I did hurt him for things I asked of him.

I do know of how he feels for being asked such things. We are more than what we see. And, I did not treat him with respect. I do honestly know how that feels.

So, our friendship has ebbed and flowed over many rocky shores...but I see that some of those rocks have been made smooth with the passing of time.

Cher ami, I do hope you will forgive me for my insensitivity.

It's been a long time coming.....

2008-10-15T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems this page has been visited more than a few times since my last post.

First, thanks so much for even wanting to keep up with me. Second...I just don't believe you really care that much about what is going on with me....or is it that you are that nosey?

but...hey....

I am not even sure what's triggered my want to write again. Even now, I answered a phone call from a friend. He asked me what I was doing and I said writing. He, being the curious person he is, asked what was I writing. I said a blog...then went on to explain how I came to blogging, where I have blogged, and why I do it.

This post is now something I didn't think it would be tonight...maybe what I had planned to write about will come later (if at all).

Blogging is a way for me to get out of my head. But, I have been hesitant in writing for some time for fear of what some may say about what I write about. But, then again, it's my writing. You really don't have to like it. This is my therapy, of sorts.

Going back to the phone call...

This one is tricky. I wasn't even sure I should answer his call. Our last conversation was not so nice.

Let give you the back story...we have been texting, calling (he more than me as he would quickly point out to anyone who asked), and occasionally emailing (he's been in Jacksonville and the ocean with the Navy for the last month or so), but nothing has really come of it cause I was seeing someone else (not seriously...but enough for me to not see anyone else) and he has a girlfriend in Georgia(but things were...have been not going well with the 2 of them) (now on the phone with him.....it's HAD...but anyway). So, our last conversation went sort of like this....

I called...he fumbled for the phone...it hung up...he called me back...

You called?
Yeah...how are you?
Taking a nap.
Oh...okay...
How are you?
Good.
(now mind you I can tell he is grumpy from trying to nap unsuccessfully)
So, how are things in Georgia?
They're going....how are things with that one guy you've been seeing?
I am not seeing him anymore.
Oh, so now you are calling me. You don't call me. I am not anyone's second choice.
And neither am I. Talk to you later.
Yeah.

we both hung up the phone

This was about a week ago or so. I wasn't happy with that conversation and there was nothing vested in this relationship, so I deleted his number and wasn't too concerned about not hearing from him again.

Then 2 nights ago I get a text saying "new number", of course, from the new number...but no indication as to who the new number belongs to. So, I text back asking and it's HIS!!?? He said he thought he should give it to me because I haven't kept in touch....

Wow.....he's quick!

I told him I deleted his number because of our last conversation and I wasn't keeping the new one or planning on keeping in touch.

I got "ok" back....

now tonight.....

He asked when could we go out. I told him he was not nice during our last conversation. I told him even if we did go out and got along that I would be in the back seat and Miss Georgia Peach would still be riding the front. That made him laugh...then he informed me that they are no longer seeing each other. But, I still told him his comment about not being second choice was no better than what would have happened had he still had his girlfriend the picture. He agreed and apologized.

That's where that is right now....he supposed to call me later.

Getting rid of all things toxic...or at least some of the minutia

2008-03-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

I used to blog on Live Journal. I love blogging. LJ was a great place for me to vent and just get the junk out of my system. I had a small "audience" there...friends and mostly family. It was a good place to be.

Then I discovered another blogging page (I won't even mention it here...not worth your time if you go looking for it.). It was a quiet place when I first began blogging there. It was also a place to have your profile out there on the net. I could also include photo albums of any sort. It's a gathering place of sorts. Sounds like I am talking about MySpace, but, trust me, I'm not. I began connecting with random people all over the USA and abroad. I even made personal connections with some local folk here in the area who used the same page. It was fun....for a time.....

But, then, well..it evolved into something icky...toxic...a popularity contest of sorts. A kind of "my blog is better than your blog" spot. And, God forbid, you don't comment on some people's blogs!!!! Some take great offense to it.

I have several good...and I dare say great...blogs on this page. I am hoping I can transfer them somehow without having to cut and paste them. But, if that is the way it has to be done then so be it. *sigh*

So, we'll see how it goes here...not that I am expecting anything from this page. I would just like a place to come to and be me...vent it out...word vomit if I have to...just get it out and off my mind.....